memories.....end.

unforgettable memories ... never ending.
7.27.06

you confuse me. i don't know why i have this need to just be around you, i mean, i miss you, but technically, you're not even that far away. maybe i'm just confused. see, if i am with you, the things you say are not (or most probably) never taken in the way you meant it because face it - i'm a complex person. i don't know how to analyze you. i just take everything you say to be a double entendre and then worry about the status of our relationship. i mean, i constantly have this yearning to talk to you, then all of a sudden, i'm aware of the surrounding and i just...watch you, as incredibly stalkerish and creepy as that sounds. maybe "notice" is the right word - or "study." but that still doesn't change the fact that you, who I thought I was over eons ago, still have that ability to capture my utmost attention because everything you say is unexpected. i know you might say somethings jokingly, but you know what? sometimes it hurts. they just might be mirroring what you feel for me, or they are masking what you feel for me, but you should know better than anyone, that i expect you to just TELL me how you feel. i'm sure you'd like to know (or maybe not) - i cried. of course, i dont know where it came from, and i don't know what the principle cause was, but i'm sure you had something to do with it. you almost always do. i miss you. i really do. i wish we could talk like we used to - jokingly, without a care in the world, knowing we have this incredibly rich and strong bond that we thought no one could break. it was broken for a while, and so was my heart - but if this is the recovery process, when are we getting back to how we used to be? i feel it'll take us ...years. you give me comfort. you hurt me. you make me want to hurt you and hug you at the same time. i really don't know what else to think about you. is our relationship over? are you trying to get us to talk again? what? but i could never ask you outright - i don't know why. playfully hitting me on the head as a greeting is one thing - specifically making sure you say goodbye, and the joke in such a way for me to know you care is different. i just don't want to lose what we have. although it's my fault because i didn't take advantage of you when you were specifically with me. i was just too shy, and i guess aware of our surroundings. as for now, i know what to do. kind of. and i know you appreciate me. but how much weirder can we get if not to say it directly? .....
interesting.




<3