reminscing.

Summer '06.
Continued.
7.16.06

part of my world came crashing down today. of course, it was destined to happen. fate, karma, call it what you wish, but this thing called time just moves too fast for my liking. what i mean to say is, we're all growing up too fast - and as i know it and have said many times, things will never be the same. for the good or the bad. *sigh* things are never going to be the same again - and i regret it all - i just wish i had realized my wrongs sooner so i'd be able to somewhat maintain our standings together for the rest of our lives. god, it was hard. seeing your love and part of you disappear right before your eyes, but surely its not the end. i mean, it is obviously not the end. but then again, it's hard to tell yourself that when you're in the middle of an emotional crisis. but all you need is some semblance of respect for one's space, an understanding that inevitably matures with age, yet all this philosophy and truth doesn't appear from your inner layers when you're just ... uh ... melting? it all just started flowing and it was totally unexpected - soon i was doing what i was known for - remember Moody street? jesus - it was a sight to miss. you never know if i put someone in a bad mood because of my illogical tears. you know what? scratch that. it was logical. to me. just in a sense - inexplicable to the rest of the clan, i guess? i don't know how i'm going to live without coming back for five years...it's inconceivable. this is me. this is what completes me. and nothing seems to fully bother me here. of course , i must admit, i have absolutely no experience in the stress one experiences here - all the same, i don't understand how i can exist in a materialistic world - with a facade like no other. speaking of facades - EMOTIONLESS. at least on the outside. that is one thing that will forever irritate me when or wherever i am. i wish i could just say screw it all - but that wouldn't be fair, now would it? and we just know (cliches, my love) that life isn't fair. life. *sigh* this one'll take a while. but a life without love, without trust, without communication, my dear, just happens, in my dictionary, to be no life at all. some choices await. but this is never ending.



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