elders: ever the puppeteers....

you're bound to learn quite a lot from the experiences of others, and more importantly, yourself ... over a period of time.

honestly. ask yourself. have you REALLY listened to your elders when they tell you not to do something? okay, maybe we're not all as good as you, you goody two-shoes. maybe we're not all ideal. but how many times have you learned a lesson because YOU royally messed up and not because that's exactly your parents/elders were trying to get you to avoid?

you know what's absolutely intolerable though? when these elders that want the best for you, fail to recognize that yes, you're a full fledged adult able to form your own thoughts, and have your own values, and at the end of the day, know what's best for YOU. if they want the best for you, why impose their point of view (though right, still dated) - on you? you're living in the 21st century. problems are so much more different and difficult than they were a long time ago. ok, maybe a different type of difficult. but still. it's frustrating.

a rather heated exchange of words between my maternal grandmother and i over the issue of marriage brought all this back to the forefront. it sparked a discussion within myself about whether i do something to make my elders happy, or do what i think is best for me in the long run. do you sacrifice your happiness to make everyone else happy around you? or do you do what makes you happy and make everyone around you unhappy? (maybe not everyone, just those that realllllly want you to do what they believe to be right).

marriage.
at 22...

i mean come ON.

i barely have a job now.
i'm at an unpaid internship.
yay. [sarcasm noted, yes?]

and with divorce rates being through the roof, i am not willing to settle unless i can stand upon my own two feet financially.

not to mention my jaded belief that there is no mr. right out there. maybe just mr. right NOW. but mr. right is definitely gonna take a few years.
i keep going back to sex and the city - but finding true love, like finding your true passion in life - career-wise, and otherwise - will take years.

there are quite a few people, my own friends, that are married, some with babies even. but it's not my cup of tea. it's not who i am. and it's not who i want to be. maybe with the right person, but as of now, it's a definite no. i have a lot on my plate that i wish to achieve ... which some things ... like marriage, can ruin. (seems harsh, i know...it's just what's right for me)

marriage.

in all honesty, it's the reason i avoided our family trip to india this summer. it's why i avoid these conversations, choosing to make lame jokes or make fun of myself JUST to change the subject. it's why, even though i really want to be attached, that part of me that loved going to india ... has somewhat died.

it's just a little infuriating. that you think your elders are forward thinking people. that they're people that roll with the times. that they really mean it when they encourage higher education and venture into unknown territories.

it all comes crashing down when they revert back to the gendered stereotypes of being indian. you know, the part of you that you thought was lost somewhere in our daily mundane activities...or better yet, the part that you thought was dead and gone along with the caste system. apparently not.

at that time women had to fight to be recognized...today we have a different enemy to fight against: ignorance and the inability for a woman to be trusted to be independent, to live on her own and make her own decisions. for her to live a full, complete, and satisfying life on her own - without a man to support her. you would think higher education has solved all these stereotypes. apparently not.

apparently, a woman's duty is to get married and have babies. after that, you can do what you want, but that's what you've been born to do. you know, just like my big fat greek wedding. it's all about your biological clock ticking, not about what you can do for the world. it's about boys having the freedom to do what they want, but girls having to abide by the strict rules and regulations that are completely based on old, backwards traditions.

when boys go out, explore, make a mistake, well, 'boys will be boys,' ... a message of courage and sheer grit to protect their manhood, but when girls do that...well, the right place for a woman is in the house, obeying her elders. there's the dilemma and indecisiveness of the country's female youth to abide by the values and morals that were imparted to them ... leaving an empty shell of a woman, with no beliefs of her own, simply brought up to be a puppet. first that of her family, then that of her in-laws, then her husband, then her children. she has no time to form her own beliefs or follow her passions ... that's all been shot to hell the minute such stereotypes are brought to the forefront...

it's all been a facade. the study hard, get good grades. what does it mean? when you graduate, it comes to "well, come on, you're done studying now, time to focus on more important things ... like marriage." don't worry, that education won't go to waste. what lies. you would think they want the best for their children. but they fail to recognize what it is their children truly want. what their true hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires are. what their aim is in life. where their true passion lies.

**edit. 8.14.09. Associated Press India: is it fair to the fair sex? india is a country where women used to perform 'sati', however young they were when their husbands died. the times have changed, but still women are considered the weaker sex. honour killings still hit headlines. dowry deaths, and harassments are still rampant, but under different names. we need to be proud of our daughters and not go in for the killing the girl child right in the womb. it is time we realise that daughters are not just equal but at times better than sons. lets give a chance to more kalpana chawlas, sania mirza's and priyanka gandhis.

until that happens, women will be stuck in this perpetual cycle of puppetry. but one day, once that comes around, i'm sure these elders won't be itching to play puppeteers anytime soon.





<3